So this is more of a personal post then any of my other stuff I have written. I have never intended for this blog to be fully about beauty and makeup. It just so happened that whenever I wrote anything personal, I felt like I had to delete it because I was too scared of being judged or I felt that the posts were "too boring" for anyone to read.
But I can honestly say that over these past few weeks, maybe even months I have realized that this is who I am and I am learning more about myself that I never knew and I want to write about it.
I have constantly fought a endless battle with myself thinking I wasn't good enough, or I wasn't pretty enough, nor smart enough, etc. And I often compared myself to people I would see at school or on TV or even on magazines. However, I realized recently that I was looking up to the wrong people.
I found myself idolizing people who made me feel very negatively toward myself. I have been for years. Maybe even from the time I knew how to idolize people.
I, thankfully, have realized this though, and found myself looking up to better, more encouraging people. I have decided that I want to do good in my life and be good.
The thing I realized that I needed most in my life to be a better and stronger person was to open myself up to God.
Now I have grown up in a very religious family. I used to go to church every Sunday, went to church classes every Tuesday after school, learned my prayers, and did what I was told I should do.
But that slowly stopped, I never really understood what doing all this meant, and I drifted further and further away. I knew what I was doing, but I never took the time to find the real meaning within.
This went on for a few years, and it was only recently that I have realized this is not how I want my life to be nor is this how I want my future family's lives to be like. I felt like I have finally found what I was missing in my life and it was right in front of my the whole time, and that was God. I realized I have turned my back on someone who has never once turned their back onto me and still helped guide me to eventually finding the spot I am in now.
I just woke up one day and realized that I am 21 years old, I have a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man, I have a great family, I have a job that most people my age don't have, amazing loving dogs who love me very dearly, and nothing is holding me back from doing what I want. I realized I am very lucky for the gifts that God has granted me and I am taking them very much so for granted. I have realized my anger is short, my patience is thin, I am always upset with myself, and I see the world as a much worse place than it is. I wanted to change and so I did. I realized I had to become more humble in order to stop myself from throwing away what God has given.
A lot of what made me realize this, is by reading a self-help book that was written by a very religious group of people. They helped me realized that yes, I do need this in my life, and that I have been living my life all wrong, and by accepting God and what he wants from me I can create a better future.
There's many things in my life that I have done that I am not proud of, especially in my teenage years. But I know that by accepting this and realizing that I have done wrong I will be forgiven. I now realize how important a relationship with God is, and how He will help me do good and be good.
I am not saying I am perfect. I am far beyond that, but I am trying to follow His word and carry out the mission He has in store for me. There are many things that I can do to change myself and help those around me focus on what's good too.
This is the path I chose to take, because I feel like that is what I am being guided towards doing. And I hope that I will be able to document my learning and growths. So that makes this my new beginning...
~ Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for more...
