New Beginnings....

Hi lovies!

So this is more of a personal post then any of my other stuff I have written. I have never intended for this blog to be fully about beauty and makeup. It just so happened that whenever I wrote anything personal, I felt like I had to delete it because I was too scared of being judged or I felt that the posts were "too boring" for anyone to read.

But I can honestly say that over these past few weeks, maybe even months I have realized that this is who I am and I am learning more about myself that I never knew and I want to write about it.

I have constantly fought a endless battle with myself thinking I wasn't good enough, or I wasn't pretty enough, nor smart enough, etc. And I often compared myself to people I would see at school or on TV or even on magazines. However, I realized recently that I was looking up to the wrong people.

I found myself idolizing people who made me feel very negatively toward myself. I have been for years. Maybe even from the time I knew how to idolize people.

I, thankfully, have realized this though, and found myself looking up to better, more encouraging people. I have decided that I want to do good in my life and be good.

The thing I realized that I needed most in my life to be a better and stronger person was to open myself up to God.

Now I have grown up in a very religious family. I used to go to church every Sunday, went to church classes every Tuesday after school, learned my prayers, and did what I was told I should do.

But that slowly stopped, I never really understood what doing all this meant, and I drifted further and further away. I knew what I was doing, but I never took the time to find the real meaning within.

This went on for a few years, and it was only recently that I have realized this is not how I want my life to be nor is this how I want my future family's lives to be like. I felt like I have finally found what I was missing in my life and it was right in front of my the whole time, and that was God. I realized I have turned my back on someone who has never once turned their back onto me and still helped guide me to eventually finding the spot I am in now.

I just woke up one day and realized that I am 21 years old, I have a beautiful relationship with a wonderful man, I have a great family, I have a job that most people my age don't have, amazing loving dogs who love me very dearly, and nothing is holding me back from doing what I want. I realized I am very lucky for the gifts that God has granted me and I am taking them very much so for granted. I have realized my anger is short, my patience is thin, I am always upset with myself, and I see the world as a much worse place than it is. I wanted to change and so I did. I realized I had to become more humble in order to stop myself from throwing away what God has given.

A lot of what made me realize this, is by reading a self-help book that was written by a very religious group of people. They helped me realized that yes, I do need this in my life, and that I have been living my life all wrong, and by accepting God and what he wants from me I can create a better future.

There's many things in my life that I have done that I am not proud of, especially in my teenage years. But I know that by accepting this and realizing that I have done wrong I will be forgiven. I now realize how important a relationship with God is, and how He will help me do good and be good.

I am not saying I am perfect. I am far beyond that, but I am trying to follow His word and carry out the mission He has in store for me. There are many things that I can do to change myself and help those around me focus on what's good too.

This is the path I chose to take, because I feel like that is what I am being guided towards doing. And I hope that I will be able to document my learning and growths. So that makes this my new beginning...

~ Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for more...

Fifteen Random Facts About Me

This is different from the past post I have created. I always wanted this blog to be more about me and less about what I think. I still want to add in makeup tutorials and reviews, but I wanted it to be more for about my life. It was very hard for me to write about something that is relative to me, because I thought I was pretty boring. But at this point I'm throwing in the towel and saying who cares?! So here we go, a little about me.

1. I am going to school to be a radiologist. This is actually my second major. When I first started college I was all about going to nursing school, but recently I had a lot of family issues over the past year where we would be in hospitals all day long, and I realized I would not be able to handle nursing. (I appreciate nurses so much more, and I applaud everything that they do. They are amazing people.) I did still want to be in the health care field and radiology was something that I could put my use of technology into too.

2. I have four pets. I have two dogs, Puppy and Copper, and also two guinea pigs, Clementine and Darla. I love them so very much.

3. I am in love with Disney. I always have been. I grew up with Disney, and it still holds a special place in my heart. There is just something so great about Disney that makes me so happy.

4. My favorite season is fall. I love the warm colors, and big sweaters. I feel like fall is the only descent season we have in Chicago. I am not a summer girl at all. I much rather be wearing jeans and an oversized knitted sweater than wearing shorts and a tank top. I also love the fact that everything smells so good in fall. Pumpkin spice everything!

5. I am a homebody. As pathetic as it is for someone to be in their twenties, I love being at home. I much rather have a good book or a Netflix night than go out to the club and go drinking. I also don't have many friends my age because of this, because they are all going out on Friday nights and I just want to go to bed because I had a long week. Blogs and Tumblr are my friends!

6. I have been in a relationship with the same person for over 3 years. My boyfriend and I started dating right after our graduation day in high school (literally right after). We have never broken up or taken a break from each other. I love him dearly and I couldn't be more happier with anyone else.

7. I am 100% Polish. My parents both moved here from Poland, however I was born and raised in Illinois. However, I was brought up with the traditions and yes I speak fluent Polish. Not so good at reading or writing, but I'm getting there ;).

8. I love writing, which is mostly why I started this blog. I have been writing since as long as I could remember. I have always had a journal and I have written plenty of short stories.

9. My favorite holiday is Halloween. This goes with my previous fact, but I just love everything about Halloween. I love everything scary, the pumpkins, the colors, and dressing up. I love being able to do costume makeup for Halloween.

10. I have horrible anxiety. It hasn't been as bad lately, but for the past 7-9 years I have had panic attacks, insomnia, crazy nightmares, you name it. I worry about a lot and stress gets to me a lot faster than it does to most people. I have been on and off medication for it for a few years and for the most part it's been kept under control recently.

11. I hate snow. I always had, but this past winter has made me hate it even more. Everything about it sucks, unless you are inside under a blanket with a cup of hot cocoa in your hands watching it fall from the sky. Sure its pretty, but once you get outside in it, it's just the most annoying thing ever.

12. I love doing makeup, but I do not depend on it. I don't feel like makeup gives me my beauty. Sure it helps, but I have no problem going to the store or to see my man with a bare face. I do makeup for me to have fun. It's another way that I am able to use my creativity for something useful.

13. I love talking to people but I am so shy. I miss a lot of opportunists to make new friends because I can't find anything to ever say to new people. I am seriously the loudest most funniest person you will ever meet, but it takes a lot for me to open up to someone.

14. I have changed my hair color to about every single color you can think of. I have had black hair, red hair, pink hair, orange hair, blue hair, green hair, purple hair, and even blonde hair. My natural color is brown, and I have finally decided I am done with coloring my hair crazy colors. I am staying within my brown color scheme.

15. I love coffee. I can drink coffee all day everyday. But the way I take my coffee is lots of cream and sugar. So it's barely any coffee. But I have tried almost every single Dunkin Donuts flavored coffee and haven't found one I didn't like so far.

So that's it for now you guys! I hope you enjoyed it. Stay tuned for more.
Thanks for reading!